How long do you share a kiss with your partner? You’ve probably never timed it before. Try setting your phone’s stopwatch to six seconds. Does it feel longer than you thought?
Quick kisses vs mindful kisses
Most kisses shared may be short and sweet. Perhaps you are running off to work, in the middle of cooking, or about to go to sleep. Lengthening kisses to six seconds could be a key to a better relationship.
Dr. John Gottman says it’s long enough to make a moment of connection with our partner. It stops the busyness in your brain and puts your focus on your partner at that moment. Kissing can be a good exercise in mindfulness.
There are a lot of Gottman principles we recommend using on a daily basis with your partners. I think the six second kiss is the easiest. There doesn’t have to be talking, listening, or problem-solving. It’s just a time to connect with your partner physically and feel close to them. It also accomplishes a lot of principles and needs in our relationship in only six seconds.
What the six second kiss can do for you
Here are some things a six second kiss can do:
- It can build a ritual of connection.
- It can create physical touch.
- It can be a bid for connection.
- If your partner has initiated, then it’s turning towards your partner.
- It boosts fondness and admiration.
- It builds appreciation between you.
- It can increase your love maps of your partner’s kissing style.
- It adds to your emotional bank account.
- It can boost your positives for the 5:1 ratio.
- It can lead to sex.
- It can be self-soothing.
- It can reduce cortisol (the “stress” hormone) and boost oxytocin (the “love” hormone).
Final thought
The more you practice an elongated kiss, it can also become a habit. A six second kiss is one of the least time-consuming ways to improve things with your partner. In fact, if you have two kisses per day the total time per week amounts to less than 90 seconds.
So, keep kissing. It has the potential to benefit the overall health of your relationship.
More than 1 million monthly readers look to The Gottman Relationship Blog for proven advice from mental health professionals to build happy and lasting relationships. Subscribe below to receive our blog articles in your inbox every week.
