Ninety-four percent of the time, couples who put a positive spin on their relationship’s history and their partner’s character are likely to have a happy future. These couples regularly update their Love Maps, deepen their fondness and admiration, and turn toward each other. Friendship is the essence of a lasting and happy relationship because it is the key to staying in the Positive Perspective.
Dr. Gottman refers to the Positive Perspective as Positive Sentiment Override because, in relationships that succeed, the positive overrides the negative. It is a profound force that maintains trust and gives each partner the benefit of the doubt when conflicts inevitably occur. They perceive each other’s acts as positive and don’t take their partner’s negative emotions personally. Most unhappy couples are in Negative Sentiment Override, which is a way of saying they have a tendency to perceive harmless or neutral comments as negative.
Negative Sentiment Override is built on the belief that your partner is not just thoughtless on occasion, but thoughtless in general. As a result, it rewrites the “Story of Us” with a persistent negative spin, putting the relationship at risk.
The following quiz will help you assess your current level of Positive Perspective and determine whether it could use some attention.
Sign up for the Love Notes Newsletter
Get the latest on relationships, parenting, therapy and more from the experts at The Gottman Institute, plus get a FREE download every month!
